Chemo, then Chemo Again, then... No Chemo

Chemo
Okay! So, I had chemo a few weeks ago, and my dear friend Lisa was my chemo buddy AGAIN. That's right, she signed up twice, because that is how she rolls. She's the one who, when I first told her that I have cancer, said, "We are going to get through this. Together." That's pretty great, no? Love her! Thank you, Lisa.

She also cracks me up, and did so when, after picking me up, she said, "I was looking at last week's picture with Chemo Buddy Josh and was like, pink wigs! Way to raise the bar here, Josh!" Ha ha. But seriously this is not a Chemo Buddy competition. 😳

So pretty. #chemochic

I must let you know, chemo is tedious. Not just the infusion, because to me that actually feels a little like taking action and I like it, but having it once a week is just a really boring cycle. If you are not waiting for chemo, or having an infusion, or resting, then-- woo hoo Monday through Thursday feels pretty normal! but you still must avoid super germy people or at least apply antibacterial goop on the regular and assessing your day's activities with energy preservation in mind... I don't mean to complain but I just want to be clear here that this is... tedious. Which is why having Chemo Buddies is really amazing, because it allows me to have some social life woven in between. 

Chemo

After Lisa came my mom and my dad as Chemo Buddies... which was just incredibly special. I loved having them both here, I loved showing them around, showing them what my life is like. It was my dad's first DC trip, and we got to enjoy some monuments, a Smithsonian (Natural History Museum, naturally), and delicious Japanese (Sushi Taro-- I had udon noodles, though, since I cannot have raw fish right now). And then we got to have a very special Thanksgiving courtesy of the Vito's. There was a lot of love and gratitude going around, and it was difficult to bring them to the airport. Their absence was noticeable during the following days. Luckily, the weekend was capped with a Christmas tree and adorable Christmas hugs from our nephew. And egg nog (don't judge, I love that stuff.) 

Yes. I do look like them. 

... and then No Chemo. 

I mean, I know that I said that chemo was tedious, but I did not mean that I don't want it...

This past week, my body decided NOPE. Really, my neutrophils decided nope-- they are depleted, which was extra disappointing since it was a week and a half since my last infusion plus I have been getting the neupogen booster (they were at .820, in case you have been following along). Essentially, my body is fighting off germs so this is the result. I am pretty disappointed, though I know that delays are to be expected. I don't know what else to say except that it sucks, and that's life. (Please note that if you say that to me, it is different... so please do not. :) 

Other than delaying treatment and pushing it all back a week, what it means is that I must be extra careful for a few days while they are low (so this weekend). It is important because if I do get an infection, which is mostly monitored by me taking my temp at least twice a day, and if it is 100.5 or above I have to go to Urgent Care or the ER. I am doing what I can to avoid that. 

It is all fine, and I am feeling mostly fine-- just a little worn out. Possibly a tad frustrated. Thanks to all of the friends and loved ones who have been reaching out and sending happy mental health messages. Hugs!

January 2018: Reclaiming My Time

After three months of weekly chemo infusions (yes I still have the rest of November and December left shhhhhh) I cannot tell you how overjoyed I was to be handed my January 2018 treatment schedule.

Suck it, 2017.

Chemo is Boring but We Know How to Bring the Party

Hello, friends.
First things first: I did resume chemo last week, after my neutrophils bounced back above 1.0; they were 1.03, which means that while I was successful, I also had to begin the booster shot Neupogen (or Zarxio, for those who like knowing specific brands of cancer-related drugs). This is a "growth factor," which I guess describes the fact that it stimulates the growth of neutrophils, which are found in the bone marrow, which is why one of the most common side effects of using it is bone aches or pain (I have also learned from experience that the muscles get achy as well). While this does not sound fun, it's really just a dull ache akin to growing pains. But minus the growth, although I would not be upset if that happened... I have always hoped to push beyond 5'3." Alas.
I will now receive the booster shot for two days (it could be up to four days, depending on how low the neuts dip) post-chemo infusion, so last weekend I had to go in mid-morning both Saturday and Sunday. Once my insurance okays it, I will be able to self-administer these shots (exciting, right?!) at home, which will save an hour each day in travel, as long as I am willing to stab myself. I can do this, dear reader. I will breathe through it (also, thank you Riely for coaching me via text on this!).

Colds and Such
When I was in elementary school, my mom was taking college courses. One day she brought home an illustration from a biology class that showed the immense amount of germs released per sneeze, and how many germs were on things like doorknobs. I will say that this has really stuck with me, and I am somewhat of a germ-phobe. Imagine that, plus going through chemo and having a challenged immune system... What I am trying to tell you is that I am a lot of fun! I walk around with disinfectant wipes (lemon is a great smell, don't you agree) and anti-bacterial everything. I have even self-quarantined over coughs and sneezes. Thankfully, those enduring living with me respond kindly by getting set up with amoxicillin. Also thankfully, I am getting Zarxio and have a better shot (pun intended) at fending off these germs.

Holiday Prep
This week, in preparation for the thanksgiving holiday, I had my labs today (the booster worked!), and chemo tomorrow with Lisa returning as my chemo buddy. Next week, labs will be moved to Tuesday, and chemo to Wednesday, with-- wait for it-- my mom AND my dad as chemo buddies! This is the part where you fall out of your chair because my parents have been divorced since I was two years old. How freaking amazing is that?! They are traveling here to be with me for the holiday. It is incredible, super sweet, and I will be honest when I say I was a little surprised (they were considering just surprising me by having my dad arrive without prior knowledge... thank you for rethinking that!). It isn't that they do not get along-- thankfully, they do-- it's just really touching. I am really looking forward to showing my dad around-- he has never been to DC!
Also, so much gratitude and love to Kelley and David for opening their home to my family for the holiday. You are incredible people.

Chemo Buddy Feature: Josh
Last week's chemo buddy was my friend Josh. I frequently call him Joshy, or pumpkin, but I have known him for more than a decade, so I get to do that. Joshy and I met when we moved into a group house on Euclid St. NW in 2006; I remember when he first walked up to the house and shooed the birds away, emphatically stating, "I hate birds. Ugh." Even though I do not hate birds, I do love when people have strong feelings about everyday things. It was the start of a beautiful friendship, even though the whole group-house thing really imploded.
Josh signed up as chemo buddy and immediately purchased these amazing pink wigs for the occasion. I will be frank, chemo is boring (this whole chemo regimen is pure tedium), but this was super fun, especially when paired with dance party music. Love you, pumpkin!

Don't worry, the pink wig will most certainly make another appearance!

No Camp Chemo Today

I want to start by reassuring you, lest you feel disappointed for/with me, that this is all part of the treatment process. To have a delay in chemo is okay and often expected. For those who enjoy the specifics, my neutrophil level was .800 (must be 1.00 to proceed with chemo. Last week was 1.20).
I have been referencing my neutrophils for weeks, so you may already know that I would necessarily need to hold off on a week of chemo once they fell. This is the week that has happened, and while no doctor or medical professional has outright told me how amazing I am for having held off nearly six weeks without this happening, dear reader, I read between the lines (heh) and assume that is why-- I am amazing. It has been a great sign that I came into this experience with a healthy amount of white blood cell levels that withstood chemotherapy (and again, this is expected to happen no matter what) for quite awhile. I am a healthy sick person!
I have also mentioned that I was told that when this happens, it is time for the booster shot, so I was surprised yesterday when I got the call from Oncologist F.'s office to say that she would like to wait a week, do my labs, and see if I have rebounded. I suspect that they think a week off for me will indeed cause the neuts to bounce back. If not, I was told they may hold off again another week, rather than introducing the booster shot. Or, they might choose to proceed with chemo, but at a lower dosage. It depends on what Onc F. thinks is best at the time, and I have an office visit with her already on my schedule for next Thursday. For what it's worth, I stated that I would "not be keen" on delaying my treatment TWO weeks. The kind nurse on the line said something to the effect of: we aren't either, but we are also not keen on pumping you full of unnecessary drugs. FAIR.
So today I have the day off. How will I enjoy it?

I will drink all the coffee. (Actually just this one cup.)

I will enjoy this amazing cup of coffee. While I am not prohibited entirely from drinking delicious coffee (if you know me you know I love coffee, and I especially love a really good latte, particularly those you might find at Dogwood or Rustica in Minnesota), I am not supposed to drink it 48 hours before an infusion, the day of an infusion, and for 48 hours afterwards, which when you are receiving weekly infusions is pretty much the whole week. Also it dehydrates, and I have a pretty strong need to do the opposite at all times. 

Chemo Buddy Feature: Megan P.

This weekend my good friend Megan P. is here from Minnesota to be my Chemo Buddy, so I do feel some disappointment that she will miss the experience of sitting next to me during an infusion (aka my weekly Benadryl high-and-then-slump) and being bloated from the steroids and chemo. I am sure we will find plenty of other things to do, and that we will certainly get our fair share of cancer talk in; I am mostly excited to have her see where we are living, and to just catch up generally. The fact that we have massages scheduled for tomorrow is pretty fabulous as well. 

Megan and I have been friends since our undergraduate days at the University of Minnesota, Morris, which if you are not aware is aka the Harvard of the midwest, the "smart" school of the four U of MNs, etc. (you can punch me in the face later). It is a small public liberal art school in the middle of corn fields where you can oft find budding liberal activists. Megan is and always was a leader, and I got to know her from the Women's Resource Center (the women's activist group on campus). After college, we worked together for a while at an abortion clinic as peer educators, we worked on campaigns, and there were years where I was a de facto third roommate/couch crasher at Al's and her apartment in St. Paul. I repaid some of that debt by putting her up in D.C. when I lived here the first time. Together we have enjoyed countless dinners, wine, the Klituation dance party, and the highs and lows of our love lives and careers (we were together on election night 2004 AND 2016...). She is now the executive director of an amazing nonprofit called Gender Justice, and I need to get dressed now so I can pick her up from the Metro station. 💕

Update: Here she is, and we took a really nice fall walk today!

Camp Chemo Update #5: This is Starting to Feel Redundant

Yesterday's chemo infusion happened! This sentence is indeed worthy of that exclamation point, since I was certain that my neutrophils had dropped below 1.5. Actually, they did-- so I was surprised when Researcher S. told me that I "squeaked by this week," and that my count was at 1.2... so there seems to be some leeway, apparently. What that means for me now is that I am in the "risk of infection" zone, and that I must stay away from germy places and people (Researcher S. always mentions germy children in this warning), at least until Thursday when I have my next labs and we see if the neuts (as Cousin Kate calls them) have indeed fallen to the level of needing the booster shot. Again, that will mean delaying chemotherapy one week as I begin taking the shot that will assist the neuts.
So chemo was fine, although the Taxol again irritated the fibroid, which is highly uncomfortable in the way of cramping and was tamed as cramps often are, with an Advil procured by Nurse S., who also instructed my Chemo Buddy Kelley to distract me by chatting. This team effort was successful and much appreciated. In terms of side effects, so far so good; not feeling nauseous at all today, which is a huge relief from last weekend. I did not go on a hike (or bike) today, as John is in Minnesota getting our winter belongings from storage, but I did take the dog on a longer walk. Even my fatigue seems lower today as compared to last week (yay).

Chemo Buddy Feature: SIL Kelley!
This week's Chemo Buddy was Kelley, my wonderful sister-in-law. Kelley is a force; a ginger, a high achiever, successful career lady budget analyst number cruncher, lover of spreadsheets, runner, super baker and cook, quilter, sewer, highly fashionable, mom to my nephew M., and incredibly kind and generous host to John and me as we unexpectedly stay with her (plus D. and M.) far past our original timeline so that we have extra support during my treatment. She also is very good at raising two of the sweetest cats that I have ever encountered, Pepin and Jax.

Here we are at Camp Chemo! She has great bangs.

Pepin (orange tabby) & Jax (gray tabby)

Camp Chemo Update #4: Truly Mostly Normal

Yesterday was Chemo #4 of 16, also known as infusion #1 of Cycle 2 of 4 of Phase I, but you don't really need to keep track of all of that. What's great is that I feel great; not even "mostly normal" but actually normal (sans hair). The infusion itself was my first without any crampy discomfort at all-- a first! (That turned out to be due to a uterine fibroid and not a side effect of the chemo, if you read my last blog post)
There was another younger woman at chemo that I had not seen before (I heard her say she is 35). We are seated fairly close together in the treatment room, so I was able to derive from her conversations that she is on the exact same treatment plan and clinical trial as me (another triple negative person!), and that this was her final infusion. Her chemo buddy was her mother, and I overheard her say something to the effect of it being a breeze compared to the Phase I weekly chemos (Yessssssss!) coming every three weeks was "basically nothing," and she was not having any major reactions to the Phase II drugs of adriamycin and cytoxan.
As she finished her infusion and took happy celebratory photos with the oncology nurse (Nurse S.) before heading out, I started to tear up a bit. I was so happy for her! and she really seemed as though she was in a good mental and physical space. We had not been introduced, but I congratulated her and wished her good luck with her upcoming surgery. I will be her in the not-too-distant future-- this felt so hopeful to think about and to see IRL. Tangible. Doable.
I was also possibly a bit... not jealous, I don't feel like that is the right word, but something in that direction. I want to be done, too. Alas. One step at a time.

Chemo Buddy Feature: John!
John attended camp chemo with me yesterday. He was my first chemo buddy, and is the pinch hitter for any chemo shift (yes I have shifted these out, I am an organizer after all) unclaimed by other friends and family. He is my hero team partner and the loml. He makes me laugh. He makes me tea and vegan lunches and dinners and is ever-vigil about my water intake. Last night he made me stay up too late watching the Astros/Yankees game (in reality, I was wired from steroids so would have been up anyway). He tells me that he genuinely thinks I am hot with a shaved head, and I believe him (and then I tease him that he could use a haircut, too. Which is not untrue.). He is with me wholeheartedly in this strange time of being the most EXTRA I have ever been. While taking my vitals yesterday, I commented to Nurse S. that my heart rate had been up, and without skipping a beat she said, "Well, you are sitting next to that guy, so I am not surprised." We laughed, and then he let me take my Benadryl nap while he ran to True Food Kitchen for lunch (thank you for the gift card, Tracy!!).
John is always up for an adventure, so we are going to hike this afternoon.
I am obviously very much lucky in love and also just plain lucky. Thank you, loml.

Me, tres chic on route to Camp Chemo. 

John and me at Camp Chemo. I'm not sure this showcases his need for a haircut, but just trust me.

Selected Quote:

"Well, you are sitting next to that guy, so I am not surprised." -- Nurse S. 

Camp Chemo Update #3: Third Time is Not Necessarily a Charm

Yesterday was my third chemo infusion. It was a little unfriendly to me, as I had a brief reaction to the Taxol, and we had to stop it for a few minutes before doing a slow ramp back up. My face had suddenly gotten very hot, and Chemo Buddy Lisa said it looked bright red. My chest felt like something was sitting on it, and I felt a little panicky. Nurse S. quickly came over to stop the infusion and sit with me as it subsided. Eh. Life of chemo.

I also had them add a flu shot for me. This, plus not getting enough to eat before going to chemo, was not the smartest of choices, I fully admit (I had a cereal bar and some trail mix... 😳  ).
Yes, I know better than that, and no, I will not do it again. After chemo, Lisa and I got some lunch at District Dumpling, which is delicious, but I made another mistake by getting the fried version. Your food matters, let me tell you. Lisa then drove me home, and as the night wore on I felt increasingly uncomfortable and dehydrated. My stomach ached, my hips(?) ached, to the point of not being able to concentrate on the show I was watching (Orphan Black, now that I have finished The Americans Season 5). Finally I gave in and got physically ill, which finally turned the whole unpleasant ordeal around after about two hours of the unpleasantness. I took some anti-nausea meds, drank some water, and crashed before 8:00 pm.

So apparently cancer is not all bikes and hikes, dear reader. That's okay.

In fact, I had been having semi-crazy thoughts such as, "This is going so well. Is it even working?!" A former colleague of mine who has been through it before said, "You are allowed to look and feel great. Just keep kicking ass!" And that really helped, you know? I had not thought I was actually feeling guilty about feeling so good, but there's a trace of that, sure. So now that I had a moment, does that mean I'm a "real" cancer patient? (Rhetorical questions, no need to respond.)

Today is much, much better. Aches and nausea are totally gone. I will take Toby the dog for a walk and check my energy for a run or something later. John and my BIL, D., are biking the first day of the MS150 in Pennsylvania today. I woke up early (that happens when you are asleep by 8:00pm) so I got to see them head out, and John made me a bowl of oatmeal ("Perfect consistency," he said as he proudly showed me the oats on a spoon... he has high oat cooking standards. It shouldn't surprise you, if you know him). Sorry that I do not have a pic of that. I do, however, have a lovely photo of Chemo Buddy Lisa and me from yesterday's infusion (where she lovingly and mercilessly laughed at me as the Benadryl set in).

Chemo Buddy Feature: Lisa! 
Lisa and I met while working at the NEA, so that means we have nine years of friendship under our belt. When I told Lisa that I have cancer, she immediately said, "WE are going to get through this." Meaning she will be right there with me. Which is an incredible thing to hear.
The next time I saw her, about a week or so later for dinner, she came armed with a giant gift bag filled to the brim with a comfy and stylish tunic (Lisa is known for her chic style), socks, an entire Sephora store's worth of hydrating facial masks, and a great book called Pretty Sick: The Beauty Guide for Women with Cancer by Caitlin M. Kiernan. I love beauty products (I am a proud Sephora Rouge member) and this book was very informative about what to consider purchasing and she offers up several suggestions at different price points, and also has a lot of great advice from some of her famous friends who have had cancer. (TL;DR The name of the game is to moisturize). If you know someone else who has cancer, this could be a great gift, and you can order it here.

Lisa is an incredible woman and I am lucky to count her as one of my BFFs.

Lisa and I brought our pixie-cut chic fabulousness yesterday. 

Here's the book!

Camp Chemo Update #2: Cousin Kate is here!

The second day of chemo infusion (2 of 16) is in the books! Thank you to all of the wonderful and amazing friends who have reached out to see how it went and sent well-wishes via card, text, Snapchat, FB, email, and incredible gifts (scroll to bottom to see my new turtle chum from my friend M.).

My Day-to-Day
I have been enjoying the ease of these first two infusions as much as possible with bike rides, yoga, frequent walks with Toby the dog, daily dance party (this is the best and recommend everyone incorporate this into your morning life routine), plus just being awake and not needing to take naps. Don't worry,  I am getting the appropriate amount of rest and Netflix-watching in, I promise. Now that I have a treatment schedule, I am still trying to figure out what my day-to-day looks like.
As mentioned in my first post, I am in the middle of a job search, but have changed direction a bit to focus on more project/contract jobs. After December, it changes to once every three weeks, and I'll stop turning down amazing interview opportunities (this is a very frustrating aspect to all of this for me). Anyway, my point is that I am now shaping what my day-to-day looks like. I will likely write more about this in a future post.

Chemo Buddy Feature: Cousin Kate!
My cousin Kate arrived Thursday night from Ohio to join me for chemo as my Chemo Buddy, and for the beautiful Fall weekend. She brought me a batch of delicious vegetable soup for the freezer! Food is love, my dear reader. We both decided that I have joined the Welte Women ranks with my short brown hair (hi, Letha and Beth!). Kate and I have a history of fun adventures, such as hiking/scrambling up rock walls outside of Squamish, British Columbia (see my FB cover photo); driving across the country for big moves, such as when she left Washington state for Louisiana last year; and plenty of camping in various state and national parks around the country. Today our adventure is, of course, Camp Chemo.

Cousin Kate & me, glamming it up at Camp Chemo! 

Here is a comically bad pic of the two of us + her dog Reese, during her cross-country move of 2016.

Kate was able to hang with me while I got hooked up to the IV (ha!) via Power Port, got my "pre-meds" cocktail of Benadryl, steroids, and whatever, then an hour of Taxol and a half hour of Carbo and then out of there! It takes about 2.5-3 hours. The added benefit of joining me as a Chemo Buddy is witnessing how loopy I get from the Benadryl. (I also refer to my IV as my buddy, as she goes with me if I get up to walk around.) My eyes droop and eventually I rest them for a few minutes. Riveting, to be sure. 

Labs Report & Bone Pain

I also had a chat with Researcher S. about my labs report, which ultimately looks great. She let me know that she is most closely watching my hemoglobin levels (have dropped a little, but not alarming), platelets (have not dropped much at all), and neutrophils (with the chemo I am taking, it is a given that these will drop). 

Neutrophils help fight infection, so if you are low on them you are more at risk, which is not ideal for people on a chemo regiment. Here is more info about neutrophils if you are interested. I will be referencing them in the future, I am sure. My level is currently 1.68, and once it goes below 1.5 I will need to take a "booster" which is a really deceptive way of saying that I will have to take a regiment from now through the end of my phase I of chemo (through mid-December) of subcutaneous shots that I personally administer of something that may (likely) bring about a bit of bone pain. BONE PAIN. BONE. PAIN. So here is where we all say together, "Everyone responds differently, so let's just be cool and see how it goes." I'm cool. You cool?  

(Note: Nurse S. further explained that the 1.5 number is for the study requirement, but the "normal" number for concern isn't until a 1 is reached, so at least that's something in terms of fear of infection.) 

Healthy Food & Exercise

The rest of the day was about eating healthy food (just kidding, John came home and ordered pizza while he watched baseball playoffs... I am 80/20 on my food, meaning I am fine going off course some of the time. I had a half of cheese pizza. To be honest, it wasn't that great.). It's okay because I had a lunch of organic kale (I do love kale, sorry haters) and sweet potatoes with a TBT (tempeh-bacon and tomato) sandwich, courtesy of True Food Kitchen. 

Today, Kate and I are heading out to the woods for a hike. Exercise is important, and I love it, but let me tell you that once I get busy (pre-cancer life) with work, grad school, campaigns, etc., it is the very first thing I chuck. Well, no more of that sh#$, dear reader, because research says that regular exercise will reduce recurrence of breast cancer significantly (percentages vary). The research seems to point to better outcomes for those with hormone receptor-positive tumors, which I am not, but logic lends itself to the idea that it would still be incredibly beneficial to us TNBC-ers. 

From Cancer.gov:

Consistent evidence from epidemiologic studies links physical activity after diagnosis with better breast cancer outcomes (35, 36). For example, a large cohort study found that women who exercised moderately (the equivalent of walking 3 to 5 hours per week at an average pace) after a breast cancer diagnosis had approximately 40% to 50% lower risks of breast cancer recurrence, death from breast cancer, and death from any cause compared with more sedentary women (37). The potential physical activity benefit with regard to death from breast cancer was most apparent in women with hormone receptor–positive tumors (37).

Another prospective cohort study found that women who had breast cancer and who engaged in recreational physical activity roughly equivalent to walking at an average pace of 2 to 2.9 mph for 1 hour per week had a 35% to 49% lower risk of death from breast cancer compared with women who engaged in less physical activity (38).

So yeah, I am no longer sacrificing exercise. Get it! 

My new turtle buddy, from my friend M. He is nestled atop a beautiful and so-soft poncho that she also sent. Love you, M.! 

Selected quote:

"You asked for laughs... so I just called the form of breast cancer you have triple x instead of triple negative." -- J. 

So, How Was Camp Chemo?

Dear friends & family,
My first day of Camp Chemo was pretty breezy, and while I can't say that I would have chosen this camp of my own free will, the people are pretty nice, and they give you a fairly comfortable chair to use during your stay. There is a kitchenette, a TV that was unfortunately turned on during the last hour (now I can watch my stories), and wifi. Plus the added benefit of starting treatment that will get rid of this cancer.
Thank you for all of your thoughtful texts, Snapchats, FB messages, etc. It definitely helped brighten this big day by knowing you are supporting me. 😍

My morning began very smoothly, always a plus:

• Good night's sleep ✅
• Wake up on first alarm ✅
• Shower/get ready ✅
• Light breakfast (my standard warm water with lemon, smoothie, matcha tea) ✅
• Remembered to apply lidocaine cream to Power Port location ✅
• Only slightly overpacked my backpack with comfort items, laptop, books, and magazines ✅
• Arrive on time, with five minutes to spare ✅

Since it was my first day, I was informed that it would take a little longer, so they could assess whether or not I have allergies to one of the drugs called Taxol (I do not). I met the two nurses (Sofia and Jennifer), met with Researcher S., met with the Physicians's Assistant (PA) J., and another woman whose name I cannot remember but brought me a tablet with some surveys that I needed to complete for participation in the clinical trial.
I also had some additional blood drawn for mystery reasons (also part of the clinical trial, and is just a fact of life. The nurses don't know what it is for, either), my vitals checked, and completed a biopsychosocial assessment (just a Likert scale of how I am doing in terms of well-being, quality of life, anxiety, depression, pain, etc.). I feel mostly great, in case you are wondering.

Researcher S. stopped by to ask if I had brought my anti-nausea medications, and to say that I should not try to push through feelings of nausea or pain. She added, "Not that I think that you are one of those people," which shows that she does not know me at all, or is a great psychological device for getting "those people" to agree that they will not try to push through and will in fact take those medications when the need arises.

I got to use my Power Port for the first time! We began with a saline solution, then 30 minutes of the Pembro (immunotherapy drug) OR placebo saline solution LET US ALL TAKE A MOMENT TO HOPE/PRAY/SEND GOOD VIBES THAT IT IS THE PEMBRO THANK YOU, some "pre-meds" that included Benadryl and steroids in preparation for the Taxol, which was administered in a ramping-up fashion taking a little over an hour that we will not need to do in future appointments given that I am not allergic, and capping it off with Carbo for 30 minutes and one final saline solution flush.

This is a double-blind study, so I will never know whether or not I am one of the lucky recipients. It is a 2:1 chance that I will, though, so I have some okay odds.

Three or four hours later, I am feeling mostly normal. I had a snooze with Jax, one of the kitties I live with, on my stomach (Benadryl is the culprit for fatigue here), I took the dog (Toby) for a walk in this most gorgeous fall weather, and now it is time for dinner. I am told that it may be tougher on day three or four, so we will cross that bridge when we get there.

Here is a picture of Jax and me taken a few weeks ago. He loves to snuggle. Ignore my bedhead.