BYE CHEMO
I am emerging from my chemo chrysalis! It sounds beautiful, doesn't it? -- so I am going to run with it. Several times over the course of chemotherapy I would remark to John that I wish I could just be put in a cocoon and taken out once all the infusions have been infused. And surely then I will emerge a beautiful butterfly! Or whatever. If you follow me on social media, you will also know that I do expect some super powers. I will keep you posted on how that goes (and yes, I definitely will settle for the super power of life).
Reflections on Chemo:
What's Next:
This is a marathon, my friends. Chemo is over, though, and believe you me, I am freaking ecstatic! So please do not feel badly for me that there are still some big things ahead for my treatment. They won't be fun, but they won't be chemo. I am upbeat and so should you be.
Surgery.
"Of course they're fake. The real ones tried to kill me!"
I will have a double mastectomy on April 11. It's an overnight event at most, and I should expect to need some help for a couple of days. They say healing is about a week or so. My mom will be here from MN for a week to help out. Thanks, Mom!
While some in my situation opt for unilateral (just one breast), given the high rate of recurrence for Triple Negative Breast Cancer in the first 3-5 years, I am happily offering up both as tribute to the cancer goddesses. Prophylactic, as they say.
Along with the obvious surgery and reconstruction that takes place, this will allow for us to get the real picture of where my cancer is/was and to re-stage it based on that information. I was originally staged at III, but was told it could be II. They will likely inject a dye before surgery so they can tell if there is still any lymph node activity-- the last they checked with an ultrasound in December showed that there were still a couple nodes showing inflammation (which means active cancer).
In the meantime, I have appointments with my breast surgeon and my plastic surgeon to discuss details and decisions, including size, shape, saline vs. silicone, expanders vs. direct-to-implant, and whether or not I would like to have nipple-sparing surgery or go with the Barbie boobs and 3-D nipple tattoo. Feel free to ask me questions directly about all of this, I truly do not mind.
Radiation. After surgery, I will need to do radiation, or "rads" as the cancer community tends to refer to it. This means that they will point radiation at the spots that had cancer as a means to further eliminate any potential cancer cell stragglers. How do they ensure they hit the same spot(s) every time? Tiny little blue tattoos. My very first tattoo ever!
This will be done every weekday for about 5 or 6 weeks, for about 10 minutes at each appointment. While not everyone needs radiation, I will on account of being Triple Negative; this additional treatment will give me a higher rate of success and survivorship. Ultimately I am just glad it is not more chemo. I have a consult scheduled with a radiation oncologist next week, so I'll learn more then. For me, the toughest decision so far with regards to radiation is where to have it done, because John and I hope to be back living in DC this summer and we want to be sure it is convenient to home and work.
Additional Pembro Infusions. Part of the clinical trial I am participating in requires an additional 4 Pembro (or placebo) infusions at the tail end of this whole thing (these would be spaced out over 3 weeks each, just like the AC). I am fine with that, and I do not count it as chemo. It will not take my hair or anything. It tacks on time at the end but overall it will not be super disruptive to my life and schedule, and it could potentially be incredibly helpful in preventing recurrence.
I am emerging from my chemo chrysalis! It sounds beautiful, doesn't it? -- so I am going to run with it. Several times over the course of chemotherapy I would remark to John that I wish I could just be put in a cocoon and taken out once all the infusions have been infused. And surely then I will emerge a beautiful butterfly! Or whatever. If you follow me on social media, you will also know that I do expect some super powers. I will keep you posted on how that goes (and yes, I definitely will settle for the super power of life).
Reflections on Chemo:
- Chemo is gross.
- The first 12 infusions (Taxol/Carboplatin) were super tolerable, although annoying to have to go weekly.
- The next 4 infusions every 3 weeks provided a bit of a reprieve for my schedule, but in reality it sucked pretty hard some days physically. It was a stronger chemo, and coupled with the Pembro (which I now believe I am getting), I had a few harder days.
- I was frustrated when it was harder than I thought it would be. Basically, I expected sucky, but just regular sucky, and a few days exceeded that and I really hated to admit it.
- Chemo infusion days were not really bad at all, aside from some queasiness. For me and for most other survivors, the harder days are often 3-5 days after an infusion, when the premeds wear off.
- My family, my Chemo Buddies, and entire support network truly got me through this and I cannot thank you all enough. Knowing that you are out there cheering me on propelled me through this tedious and queasy part of my life.
- John, my hero partner in all of this, is an incredible human being. I hope you let him know that when you see him. He would often thank me for enduring chemo, and then also tell me it will not be like this forever. Both of these sentiments saved me on numerous occasions.
- People who work in this field are a whole other breed, and they are amazing.
- CBD oil was in fact useful for alleviating the side effects of the last couple of infusions. I highly recommend, even though it tastes disgusting.
- Food: While I was super healthy in the beginning, I became very food-averse with the last few infusions, and lost weight too rapidly. Food literally disgusted me, especially food that I had eaten in December (chemo gets associated with it and renders it inedible). Thus, I adopted the rule that "if the head and the stomach agree, I eat it." This led to eating much more meat and pasta than I would normally, and maybe that entire 5-package of Cadbury Creme Eggs from my dad. I will get back on track as this final infusion's effects abate.
What I Look Forward to Most:
HAIR. The big hair grow-back has begun! I have a fuzzy head right now, with lightish-colored hairs. I am debating doing a final shave of these chemo-laden fuzzies. Some say it will help the healthy stuff to grow back faster; others say that it does not really matter. In the meantime, you will see me with my wig or with a soft beanie.
I have sprouts of eyebrows. I have eyelashes (these will likely fall out again in a few weeks, but I'm happy they are here now). Thank goddess for Sephora.
FOOD. Sushi, sprouts, raw vegetables and fruits, coffee, the occasional glass of wine, an over-easy egg. Blue cheese. Did I mention sushi.
SOCIAL LIFE. With the flu season being so bad this year, I did end up avoiding mass transit and public spaces and this severely curtailed my social life. Now that my neutrophils won't be obliterated on the regular, I can see you again! In person!
EXERCISE. Chemo diminished my lung capacity and energy levels and increased my heart rate, so I am looking forward to building back to strong and healthy. I hope to find a run or two this fall to work toward. Exercise also has proven to diminish the rate of cancer recurrence, so it is time for me to truly commit to myself in this way.
NORMALCY. I have some treatment left but the worst of it is mostly over, and I will be able to get more consistently back to "regular" life including with work and for us to move back into our own home. We are so lucky to have the help that we do-- family is everything, people.
This is a marathon, my friends. Chemo is over, though, and believe you me, I am freaking ecstatic! So please do not feel badly for me that there are still some big things ahead for my treatment. They won't be fun, but they won't be chemo. I am upbeat and so should you be.
Surgery.
"Of course they're fake. The real ones tried to kill me!"
I will have a double mastectomy on April 11. It's an overnight event at most, and I should expect to need some help for a couple of days. They say healing is about a week or so. My mom will be here from MN for a week to help out. Thanks, Mom!
While some in my situation opt for unilateral (just one breast), given the high rate of recurrence for Triple Negative Breast Cancer in the first 3-5 years, I am happily offering up both as tribute to the cancer goddesses. Prophylactic, as they say.
Along with the obvious surgery and reconstruction that takes place, this will allow for us to get the real picture of where my cancer is/was and to re-stage it based on that information. I was originally staged at III, but was told it could be II. They will likely inject a dye before surgery so they can tell if there is still any lymph node activity-- the last they checked with an ultrasound in December showed that there were still a couple nodes showing inflammation (which means active cancer).
In the meantime, I have appointments with my breast surgeon and my plastic surgeon to discuss details and decisions, including size, shape, saline vs. silicone, expanders vs. direct-to-implant, and whether or not I would like to have nipple-sparing surgery or go with the Barbie boobs and 3-D nipple tattoo. Feel free to ask me questions directly about all of this, I truly do not mind.
Radiation. After surgery, I will need to do radiation, or "rads" as the cancer community tends to refer to it. This means that they will point radiation at the spots that had cancer as a means to further eliminate any potential cancer cell stragglers. How do they ensure they hit the same spot(s) every time? Tiny little blue tattoos. My very first tattoo ever!
This will be done every weekday for about 5 or 6 weeks, for about 10 minutes at each appointment. While not everyone needs radiation, I will on account of being Triple Negative; this additional treatment will give me a higher rate of success and survivorship. Ultimately I am just glad it is not more chemo. I have a consult scheduled with a radiation oncologist next week, so I'll learn more then. For me, the toughest decision so far with regards to radiation is where to have it done, because John and I hope to be back living in DC this summer and we want to be sure it is convenient to home and work.
Additional Pembro Infusions. Part of the clinical trial I am participating in requires an additional 4 Pembro (or placebo) infusions at the tail end of this whole thing (these would be spaced out over 3 weeks each, just like the AC). I am fine with that, and I do not count it as chemo. It will not take my hair or anything. It tacks on time at the end but overall it will not be super disruptive to my life and schedule, and it could potentially be incredibly helpful in preventing recurrence.
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