Actual Great News

Cutting to the chase here, my tumor is gone. (!!!) 

It was (roughly) 4.5cm x 2.8cm. Which is pretty large, yeah? 

So this is remarkable. It is early. Just over two months of Taxol/Carboplatin, and (possibly! we shall never know) immunotherapy. And I still have two of 12 infusions to go! (plus four of the AC... and surgery and radiation.)

I received this incredible news yesterday afternoon at my routine three-month check in appointment with the breast specialist/surgeon, Dr. V. They do not normally do an ultrasound for this appointment, it is mostly to see if there has been any progress, and to begin the surgery discussion. But when they felt nothing where the mass had been, they wheeled the ultrasound machine in for confirmation-- and it is indeed gone! GONE. Dr. V. and all of the staff were visibly excited, gave me hugs, and stated that this is really something to celebrate (I had to directly ask, because at this point I am maybe slow to acknowledge good news). Dr. V. told me that I should go home and open a bottle of wine. Then he saw my maybe confused face and restated, "No, really. You should. This is remarkable!" (Note: John picked up some bubbly on the way home.) 

So what does this mean? Unfortunately it does not mean that I can forgo any of the treatment plan (I know, right?!). I do still for sure have at least two lymph nodes that are inflamed, and we would need more scans to be able to tell if there are still floaty cancer cells (more tests will happen in a couple months). What it does mean is that I am responding well to treatment, and the cancer cells are dying, and also that this is happening very quickly and completely. And there is no longer a cancer mass in my right breast.

If you would like to, please raise a glass of whatever beverage you prefer, and celebrate this news with me-- and in honor of our friendship. 💜

Cheers! 

Featured Chemo Buddy: Megan J. 

Megan and I have been friends since the Dean campaign, when we met in Iowa and then hung out extensively for the rest of the 2004 campaign in Wisconsin, where we occasionally enjoyed a snakebite (Strongbow and Guinness, if you did not know) from Paul's Club on State Street. We are Minnesota girls at heart, though, and we made our way back as soon as we could (granted, I have left and returned several times, perhaps will someday return again? who knows) because we are not cheeseheads.
The years have brought us more campaigns, loves, weddings, half-marathons, J. Crew, yoga, pet-sitting, airport rides, walks around the lakes, birthday parties, tears-- all the stuff of friendship-- and recently she has brought to the world sweet Baby E. (proud doula here!), with whom I got to spend time with this past Saturday (Baby E. was not a Chemo Buddy-- but I did get to dine with her the following day). Thank you for coming to see me, and I hope you come back soon! xoxo

Apparently our voices sound alike? 

I Miss My Hair

I know it is all part of the process, and yeah I am pretty much rolling with this whole thing, but I do have to be honest with you, dear reader... I f&*$ing miss my hair. So yeah. If you find me gazing longingly at yours, no need to make me feel weird about it.

Oh, and also my eyebrows.

Pepin & Me, pre-diagnosis. Adorbs.

YEAH MOTIVATION

Chemo, then Chemo Again, then... No Chemo

Chemo
Okay! So, I had chemo a few weeks ago, and my dear friend Lisa was my chemo buddy AGAIN. That's right, she signed up twice, because that is how she rolls. She's the one who, when I first told her that I have cancer, said, "We are going to get through this. Together." That's pretty great, no? Love her! Thank you, Lisa.

She also cracks me up, and did so when, after picking me up, she said, "I was looking at last week's picture with Chemo Buddy Josh and was like, pink wigs! Way to raise the bar here, Josh!" Ha ha. But seriously this is not a Chemo Buddy competition. 😳

So pretty. #chemochic

I must let you know, chemo is tedious. Not just the infusion, because to me that actually feels a little like taking action and I like it, but having it once a week is just a really boring cycle. If you are not waiting for chemo, or having an infusion, or resting, then-- woo hoo Monday through Thursday feels pretty normal! but you still must avoid super germy people or at least apply antibacterial goop on the regular and assessing your day's activities with energy preservation in mind... I don't mean to complain but I just want to be clear here that this is... tedious. Which is why having Chemo Buddies is really amazing, because it allows me to have some social life woven in between. 

Chemo

After Lisa came my mom and my dad as Chemo Buddies... which was just incredibly special. I loved having them both here, I loved showing them around, showing them what my life is like. It was my dad's first DC trip, and we got to enjoy some monuments, a Smithsonian (Natural History Museum, naturally), and delicious Japanese (Sushi Taro-- I had udon noodles, though, since I cannot have raw fish right now). And then we got to have a very special Thanksgiving courtesy of the Vito's. There was a lot of love and gratitude going around, and it was difficult to bring them to the airport. Their absence was noticeable during the following days. Luckily, the weekend was capped with a Christmas tree and adorable Christmas hugs from our nephew. And egg nog (don't judge, I love that stuff.) 

Yes. I do look like them. 

... and then No Chemo. 

I mean, I know that I said that chemo was tedious, but I did not mean that I don't want it...

This past week, my body decided NOPE. Really, my neutrophils decided nope-- they are depleted, which was extra disappointing since it was a week and a half since my last infusion plus I have been getting the neupogen booster (they were at .820, in case you have been following along). Essentially, my body is fighting off germs so this is the result. I am pretty disappointed, though I know that delays are to be expected. I don't know what else to say except that it sucks, and that's life. (Please note that if you say that to me, it is different... so please do not. :) 

Other than delaying treatment and pushing it all back a week, what it means is that I must be extra careful for a few days while they are low (so this weekend). It is important because if I do get an infection, which is mostly monitored by me taking my temp at least twice a day, and if it is 100.5 or above I have to go to Urgent Care or the ER. I am doing what I can to avoid that. 

It is all fine, and I am feeling mostly fine-- just a little worn out. Possibly a tad frustrated. Thanks to all of the friends and loved ones who have been reaching out and sending happy mental health messages. Hugs!